The Honey Lemon Podcast
The Honey Lemon Podcast
|26| Honey Lemon Shots: Post wedding reflections, being a sober bride - has life changed?
We're back!!!! I have MISSED this podcast so much! The routine of it all, being in a flow state while editing, I missed everything about it. As you may have seen on the HLP instagram, I took a little break because it was all just getting to be too much. We were planning a wedding, working full time jobs, dealing with every day life and I realized I didn't want this to be a half effort thing. I love this podcast and if I'm doing it, I want to give it my all.
After a much needed break, I'm back with a Honey Lemon Shot, accompanied by my now husband (ew) Lendall. We talk about our post wedding reflections, some tips for those maybe taking that next step and we talk about important decisions we made not just with the wedding but with life moving forward. One of them being that I decided to stop drinking over a year ago.
Life after marriage is... drum roll please.. exactly the same! I'm not mad about it though. Hope you enjoy this episode!
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We got married!
Angie: [00:00:00] Ready, baby? Remember, this is audio, so you have to say yes.
Len: Yeah.
Angie: Okay, it has been a hot minute, and by minute, I mean almost half a year where I have not released an episode, but there's good reason for that. Welcome back to the Honey Lemon Podcast. My name is Angie, and I'm your host, diving into those sweet and sour experiences that make us who we are.
So going forward with the podcast, I'm going to do a lot more solo slash like life updates slash reflections on whatever. And I will sometimes be having my special guest, my husband now, Lendall. Say hi, Lendall.
Len: Hi, Lendall.
Angie: Yeah, so why did I not release a podcast since May of 2024? It is because we got married.
[00:01:00] Reaction. Yep. We got married just over a month ago, and this episode we're basically gonna be reflecting on life after marriage life, just before marriage. What was life like during the planning process and just some like reflections, and everyone seems to like it when Lendall comes on the podcast and we just chit chat.
So, here we are. He is also currently watching football while doing this podcast because it's Football Sunday.
Len: False. I'm talking to you and listening to this podcast, not watching football.
Angie: What's on the TV then?
Len: Background.
Angie: And what is playing in the background?
Len: Currently just commercials.
Angie: And then what we'll be playing after the commercials stop airing
Len: football.
Angie: Okay. Just wanted to clear that up. So [00:02:00] sugar, we got married a month ago. How do you feel?
Len: Great.
Angie: So people keep asking us like, Oh, how do you feel after being married?
Len: What do you say?
Angie: I say. Nothing has changed. It is the same.
Len: I think it's better.
Angie: Why is it better?
Len: Because we don't have to plan a big wedding anymore.
Angie: Yeah, you said it, Buster. Well, this wedding has been three years in the making. We got engaged in 2021, right? But we didn't actually really start planning until like, end of last year.
We were just kind of saving money slash procrastinating slash just taking our time with it, enjoying being engaged. So anyone who Is getting engaged or planning on getting married. I highly recommend just having a long engagement to figure yourself out, figure out what you want, what you care about, what you don't care about.
It was, I think it was really helpful for us. [00:03:00] Don't you think
Len: taking your time? Yes.
Angie: And it helped us save a bit, like weddings are expensive, man. Would you do anything differently? Do you regret anything that we did or would you do it all again? If given the chance, we could go back and have
Len: a wedding again, definitely have a wedding again, but we definitely made the right call with a lot of different things we were doing just the choices we made to have the events at our wedding. We did a good job because now when I go to other people's weddings, all I keep thinking about is how much all this stuff is going to cost them. Seeing that I was in that process not too long ago. And then I'm like, I would have done that. Oh, I would have not done that.
That seems silly. That seems a great idea. I wish I did that, but there you go.
Angie: After being married, do you feel differently about us at all?
Len: Yes. It feels better. Now that you can't leave me.
Angie: We've been together for almost [00:04:00] six years. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to leave you.
Len: But now you cannot.
Angie: I mean, I still could, it's just gonna be more complicated.
Len: Yeah, you wanna go through that? Stay here.
Angie: I don't plan on leaving you, sugar. Unless you plan on leaving me.
Len: Could be. One of these days.
Angie: Well, I'm a catch. You hit the jackpot with me, so I don't, I think you're the one that's screwed. if you leave.
Pick a sip. It's Sunday morning, currently. You know what I thought, like, after getting married? Or how I felt? Shugabee, can you focus here? I am, I'm looking at
Len: the screen. I'm looking at two screens.
Angie: Anyways. You know how I felt after getting married? What I noticed differently?
Len: What did you notice differently after getting married?
Angie: That I was like, oh no, I should be a little like nicer and like more mindful, very mindful, very thoughtful, considerate, [00:05:00] that I should be more nicer to you because I was like, Oh,
Len: after we got married, you thought I'm always
Angie: nice to you, but like, after I was like, Oh, like, this is real.
This is for realsies. I found that I was a little bit more thoughtful about my actions not being as explosive in my reactions.
Len: Explosive. Well,
Angie: reactive, I guess.
Len: That's a good one.
Angie: Did you notice that? After getting married? That I chilled out a bit?
Len: Yep. Looks like you calmed the hell down.
Angie: Do you know, you noticed?
Len: Not until you said that, but I noticed you've been nicer for me and I'm waiting for when you're not, are not going to be nicer to me, but then it's been way too long that maybe you are actually nice.
Angie: I am always nice to you. You wouldn't marry me if I wasn't nice to you.
Len: That's true.
Remember in our vows, we were like, we will not watch a head Netflix series and now look who's watching a head Netflix series. You didn't
Angie: say that
Len: in our vows. I said it.
Angie: Well, I did [00:06:00] not vow that. I vowed to be kind. That was one of my big vows. Okay. I will always lead with kindness. So after we got married, I put it in my brain that I need to lead with kindness and love instead of anger or being reactive.
Len: Very good.
Angie: Did you notice me? I made a difference? I'm being more kind?
Len: Yes.
Angie: Not that I wasn't kind before, but now I'm just Oh,
Len: you were terrible. No! Just kidding.
Angie: But now I'm just a bit more mindful because we're in this for the long haul and I want this to last and I want this to be, like, happy for majority of the time, you know? So what did you like about our wedding and what would you change? Let's break it down because I think it's confusing for the listeners. So we had a bunch of different days of events for our wedding. So, starting from, like, July 29th, we had a Monday event, which is called a [00:07:00] roce, R O C E. And Lendall is Mangalorean, which is a region in India? Is it a region or a It's an area
Len: in India.
Angie: An area in India. Much like Kerala or Tamil Nadu or whatever, right? It's like that. So he's from Mangalore and this is a Mangalorean custom. And a Goan custom, right?
So do you want to explain what a roce is?
Len: It's basically the ceremony before a wedding where you are purified and cleansed so you can enter the wedding.
your married life brand new,
Angie: and we get like blessings from the family and they anoint us with coconut milk and like this mixture of coconut milk and coconut oil and your skin feels really soft and glowy afterwards. Your hair feels really soft [00:08:00] and fresh.
Len: Coconut oil thing is just meant to be clean, like it's meant to be like, yeah, like it's just it's just what they've always used to do. The other stuff to like roast you like R O A S T as opposed to the roast ceremony, R O C E.
Anyways, the roasting is more of a our family thing they did just to turn into an event.
Angie: So what happens is you, like, we get all the blessings, the coconut milk, the nice stuff, blah blah blah, and then after there's like five minutes where the family just roasts you and puts, like, whatever on you, like eggs, ketchup, beer, they just pour it on you.
I'll, like, put a photo on the podcast page so you can see what I mean, but we basically got really messed up. Then we had to go home, shower, we put trash bags in my dad's car, we sat on them, and then we showered, got ready, and [00:09:00] then came back and we were like fresh as, ready to be married. And we had a little party.
Then we had our Catholic ceremony. Which was on the Wednesday, that was just like, a lot smaller, but not as small as I would have liked, but it was still nice. And we did that, then the Saturday event that we had, so. On August 3rd, that's what I recognize as our official wedding day. And we planned it, it was at a beautiful greenhouse.
We had a beautiful ceremony. That was very much us. And we, and we had one of our best friends, Adam officiate. And that's, that's a part that I really liked because like, he wasn't legally marrying us, he was more symbolically marrying us so we could have a friend do that for us because we were technically already legally married.
So that was really [00:10:00] special that Adam was able to. do that for us. And then we had like some of our friends come up and do poetry readings. My, my cousin sang as I walked down the aisle. It was really special. I really liked our ceremony. It was just hot as balls the entire time. I was dripping sweat the entire time.
Len: I think it sums it up pretty well. But people won't know how hot it is unless you are actually there, because it felt like the hottest day of the year.
Angie: Yeah, I would say, like, our whole wedding day went by almost per like, pretty much perfectly. There's not one thing I would change about our wedding, other than the fact that it was really, really hot, and people were just, like, dehydrated and sweating and gross and But, when you look back at the pictures, you can't tell at all.
You just see everybody having a great time and see us. One thing I really liked is that everybody who came to our wedding said that it was very much us. And every, every [00:11:00] little part and detail of it was like, yes, this is Lendall and Angie for sure. And they said that they could really feel the love. And it was really special to be able to celebrate with all of our closest family and friends.
And then my dad had a full on other reception a week later. Because In South Asian culture, if someone invites you to something, you then have to invite them. So there was a whole slew of people that my dad was not able to invite to our wedding day. So he was like, no problem. I'll just have my own wedding reception.
So that one is something he fully planned. It was nice. He was really happy. So You know, I'm glad that we had that separate so that our day could be fully our day. And every single person that was there at our day was like, we knew them on a deeply personal level. Right. And they were special people to us.
The day before the wedding or a couple of days before the wedding, I sent out an email being like, everyone, please be on [00:12:00] time every single person was handpicked and chosen. There were a lot of people that didn't get invited. To our wedding day, just because of like capacity restrictions.
But also we just really wanted everyone at that day to be people that we are moving forward in with life as well.
Len: Oh, we just didn't like you. So we didn't invite you and we didn't want you any bad vibes for our wedding, which is like not even a way to disrespect anyone. It's like, , let's listen. You and I both know what it is.
Let's just call it what it is right now. It's like, you know that, you know, when people like wish you happy birthday on Facebook that like you never spoke to and the only time you speak to is when you wish each other a happy birthday. It's like one of those. I'm like, I'd rather not have that at the wedding.
I'd rather have real, passionate, exciting energy because it's a really, important and expensive event that if we called everyone on you on Facebook and you called everyone You know on Facebook we would need an entire country to host our wedding [00:13:00]
Angie: not even just Facebook just like there's always that thing of Okay, if I invite this person, then I have to invite, like, these other five people, or, like, if I invite this family, then I have to invite, like, the, this family, too, because they're connected, and it's like, we just didn't do that.
Len: But then it's also hard because you get, for every person you call, you're doing it to impress someone else. Yeah. And then when people don't realize is that at all these events, you're going to spend time talking to all these people and, you know, like, catching up with them and, you know, like, interacting with them, which is very, you know, Important, but also very tiring.
So I would rather have, you know, 80 people that are super close to me that know everything's going on in my life than to have, you know, 800 people. And then I have to like stress over spending time with them. And it just comes down to being like, hi, how's it going? Did you have fun? Did you, did you eat?
Yep. Cool. All right, cool. See you later. I'm going to move on. Whereas like the people who were there didn't really feel offended if I had to go spend time somewhere else, [00:14:00] but I could also spend more time with, you know, The people that I actually like want to catch up with and you know, it's no shade to anyone it's just I don't think we expected to call it everyone's wedding and that's just what it is, but I think people need to stop feeling so bad about things like this if anyone does, because weddings are about the bride and groom, and not anyone else.
Angie: I am ecstatic when I get don't get invited to a wedding.
Yep.
Angie: Like I, I'm like so happy when I don't get invited because I'm like, great. I don't, and not that I'm like, Oh my God. Yay. I don't want to come to your wedding. But like, if you invite me, I will come most of the time. If, if I know, sometimes you can just tell when you're just like a, a connection invite or like a, like, sometimes I'll know like, Oh, they're just inviting me.
Cause they want me to dance at the wedding. Like sometimes it's something like that.
Len: Interesting.
Angie: But like
yeah, like I don't [00:15:00] mind when it's like that and someone's like, doesn't invite me, I'm perfectly fine. Cause it's like, I get it. And after planning a wedding, I get it even more. That it's like, you want the people that are closest to you and special to you on there on that day. You don't have to worry about pleasing everybody.
So we still had like 250 people at our wedding.
Len: I know, but that's like, It's not about who we didn't invite. It's never been like, I don't want that to be the focus of anyone's understanding of what we're talking about today. It's like, well, we, what we had is what we wanted. And you know, like, even still, we had 250 people, like you said, but it was like, people that like are on my side and people on your side and then our parents side, and then well, each of our parents side.
So then that quickly adds up. If you. Each narrowed it down to only about 50 people. It's not what it actually was, but if each narrowed down to only 50 people, like I get 50, you get 50, my parents get 50, your parents get 50. [00:16:00] That's still 200 people there. And like, that's not how it was anyways. But just to give people the idea of that, like it's not always an easy decision.
So sometimes if you have to really look at your life and say like, okay, who are the people that like, Weddings are crazy and the such that like who you Are going to be not only people that you are celebrating with that day, but people you're most likely going to stay with for the rest of your life, which is like a pretty big responsibility.
You know, I'm not just calling my neighbor when I was three years old and Scarborough, like no offense, but that shouldn't be a thing. You should only be focusing on the people you want to, you know, develop and stay close to connected with forever, like forever and ever, like, you know, that's why people were called because we want to spend time with those people.
Angie: Yeah, I've known people that have invited like large groups of people that after their wedding they just didn't speak at all or didn't connect at all like that's not what I wanted. I [00:17:00] wanted everybody who attended our wedding to be like people that we're moving forward with in life as well as a married couple together.
What were some things that you really liked? About our wedding,
Len: oh, I liked that. We planned it like a really entertaining party. That was, I know I was just saying it's about us, but after the ceremonies and everything is done. I wanted to be very enjoying or enjoyable for anyone that was there.
And at no point was there anyone, you know, I tried my best at any point to have, you know, whoever it was not sitting on the table, being bored out of their mind. Like it was my like, you know, 10 year old cousin on his phone that didn't count. I mean like people that like. Who are there who like made the trip to come there from while we're far like I want them to feel included in anything We did so whether it was like watching something funny or a fun speech [00:18:00] or they could join in and like They knew the song,
you
Len: know, cause I've been to weddings where like, I literally don't know, like eight songs in a row.
And I'm like, well, I don't want to dance, you know? So I wanted to keep it very eclectic and random. And so the music was like hand chosen by me, which was really proud of. And I'll keep bragging about that because I don't think I've, Done such a better job in my life. And then
Angie: when do you talk about like your request paid playlist?
Len: Yeah, because I don't know if people do this, but whenever we got the RSVPs, I got the idea from someone else's wedding to put one song that would get you on the dance floor. And I really liked that. So I was like, I mean, let me ask the people coming to our wedding, the same question, but then not only just asking that, but I took it and I spent maybe like an hour and a half.
Screening all the songs. Cause some of them worked. Some of them didn't work. Then I put it on a Spotify playlist to give to the DJ and I said, Hey, for one hour or an hour and a half, like you are only playing from this playlist and if they said [00:19:00] yes or no, I mean, if they said no, I'd have been like, well, we're not hiring you then.
So we're gonna move on. But I wanted them to be very clear, like play the song that people wanted to play. So that was pretty fun. Just the, the, the going back to my point about having a very entertaining and awesome party was something that I loved that I did. And I kept it in the back of my mind.
It was, I was making decisions for the wedding.
Angie: Yeah. I'm really happy with the way we like. plan the flow of the day. Like one thing that was really important to me that went into like us picking the venue that we did. It was like a beautiful greenhouse. Yes. And that's very much us because we love nature.
I am like a plant mom. I have so many plants in the house. So that was just, A no brainer, but I really like the fact that they had like a ceremony area and then a reception area so that it's all in one place. And it's really like, I feel like we really kept our guests in mind with every [00:20:00] decision we made.
Like, yes, it is about us, but also people are coming, spending their hard earned money to travel, to be with us, to celebrate us. So if people are spending that day with us, I want it to be like really efficient, but also fun and good and nice.
So I'm really glad we had like a ceremony, then people got to enjoy drinks and snacks while we did our pictures and did like other stuff. I'm really happy. We did a first look before the ceremony. Cause we, we just had like a moment to ourselves just to , take it all in as well.
Len: I mean, some really sick pictures from that moment.
Yeah. Actually my favorite pictures from the wedding is probably going to be from the first look. Yeah.
Angie: Cause it was just us, like a few of our friends were there, but it was, it was really special. And then it went right into our. Reception and then like planning our speeches with like other fun stuff that we were doing so that the energy [00:21:00] was always ebbing and flowing rather than when is this going to be over? And one thing that was really important to me was that dinner was served at a reasonable time so that people could eat because I've been to so many weddings where dinner, the buffet or whatever, dinner is served at like 10 o'clock and that's fine if that's, if you're okay with that.
But I just really wanted people to. like enjoy and just chill and not have to worry about like, Oh, my kid is hungry. Like I need to get them a snack or like, there was never any of that. So and I'm really glad we heard a day of coordinator. Shout out to our day of coordinator Brie from elegant moments.
She was amazing. She anyone who's getting married, I highly recommend getting a day of coordinator, a month of coordinator. Sorry, because she literally took away. Every decision making task on the day from us, from our family, no, I literally [00:22:00] had to tell my dad, like, just sit and enjoy. And he was like, what do you mean?
Because he was prepared to be navigating a whole bunch of stuff and I'm like, nope, that's why we've hired Brie. She will take care of everything. And she did. She made sure we had water. She made sure that everything was on time. She even pushed us to be on time. Like, sometimes we were like, oh, like, we're just taking pictures or like, oh, we're doing this.
But like, she was like, nope, it's this time. , Are you okay with starting later? And I'm like, no. So then we would be on time. Like she would push us to stick to our own schedule as well, which was really nice.
Len: So would you say maybe that Bree was like our quarterback?
Angie: Yeah, I guess you can
Len: say yes to that because that's what it means.
Angie: Okay. Yeah. She was our quarterback. I don't understand. I don't know football.
Len: That's probably the only position you should probably know.
Angie: Okay. Quarterback. Yeah. She was our quarterback. Oh, I'm
Len: tight end Travis Kelsey, Taylor Swift's boyfriend.
Angie: I don't, I don't know anything about him or football [00:23:00]
Len: to start.
Because it's not playing in the background right now.
Angie: And I just love that we, I loved our first dance, which you killed. So we had a cute little first dance. And then we broke out into a whole dance number, which was so us and everybody loved your energy. And they were like, Oh, Angie, you trained him so well.
I'm like, I didn't do anything. That was all him.
Len: pretty much been something I've been training for my entire life. Like I knew I had one good, I don't know, five minute performance in me. And if I just timed it right, I could do it at my wedding and then never step on the floor again so that people only think of me in that way.
That's kind of how I looked at it. And so a lot less stressful when you think of it that way.
Angie: Do you have any advice for people planning a wedding or getting married or in that process?
Len: That's a big question.
But the whole thing?
Angie: [00:24:00] Let's start about, do you have any advice about like wedding planning process?
Len: Yes. I think figuring out what your big spends are, you know, like the vendors that are probably going to, well, let me backtrack a little bit. You're going to figure out what the top three things you want in your wedding.
And you look back on your special day, you want to look back and say, okay, these are the top three things I think I care about the most. And for me, it was the music, the food, and we said the venue in order actually, it was the venue first, then the food, then the DJ. So then we. made sure to make our decisions and, like, spent most of our resources figuring out those three things.
First, book them ahead. I mean full, full honesty. I didn't really that wasn't in my top three. Because I feel like you would have covered that and I feel like you're more into that kind of thing. Whereas myself, I just care about the experience, having a good time partying, like [00:25:00] not being so formal. I want to like, just, you know, enjoy living the moment laugh and all those things.
So those were the top three things made sense. The atmosphere, the refreshments also include in the food or alcohol, obviously. And the, the music I wanted to spend, you know, I couldn't do everything. So I figured if I do these three things and I told Angie, Angie would take care of the rest, and then we just booked a lot of our vendors looked around and asked for referrals, so we had the best possible choice for each.
Yeah,
Angie: I'm glad that we, like you said, put money where into things that we actually cared about. So like, we actually thought about all the things we didn't care about, and then just cut that out. we didn't really care about having a wedding cake or cutting a cake, so we just said, no cake.
And that just saved us like 500 to a wedding. 1, [00:26:00] 000 almost, depending on the kind of cake we would have got. Cause everything in the wedding industry is marked up like 500%. So I'm really glad we did that. What else did we cut?
Len: Invitations. Oh yeah,
Angie: like paper invitations. No bueno. Also better for the environment.
So we did email, electronic invites and
Len: no bridesmaids. Oh yeah,
Angie: we did. We had no bridal party. It was just us. And that was it. And I actually really, really liked that. And I've spoken to a few people who, after they got married, they were like, oh, I just wouldn't have a bridal party. Because, not for anything else, it's just more people to coordinate.
more people to make decisions about. And for us, like, we were just happy for it to be about us. And the people who are important to us [00:27:00] were there anyways, and they knew that they were important to that day. So we gave all those people who potentially would have been part of the bridal party, we still ask them to do important tasks
Len: yeah, I just think we just, we gave the people that were there an opportunity to do something, anything in the process.
Yeah.
Len: Wherever we could, you know, and I feel like we didn't know all these roles ahead of time, but as we got closer and closer, which always happens, like, there are always these random things, like, who's going to be sitting at the table and holding the, this or whatever, you know?
So anyways, we. We know that like the people that were going to be our bridesmaids and groomsmen, we're going to be there to help us anyways, but rather than putting this, like really high expectation of like, you know, wearing all these colors and wearing these outfits that probably they're not going to wear again.
And like forcing them to decisions that they didn't need to be in. You're [00:28:00] like, let's just keep it to a very small group of individuals and have them just play bigger parts. Like something as like significant in my mind as like holding the rings or you know, just like helping you out for a certain task or I really need you to do this or that felt better to me than to just, you know, have them be two places like, cause they're going to be helpful and ask to do stuff anyways, but then also be there for pictures and, you know, some of our close friends are now parents and, It just didn't make any sense.
So that's why I'm glad we just did it the way we did it.
Angie: What else did we do? I really liked the way we did our respective bachelor bachelorette things in the past I've been to other bachelorettes and they can get very very costly and in the I guess in the last like 10 years it's been a thing to like We have to like travel somewhere for the bachelorette.
No, like that became the trend, [00:29:00] like before it was Oh, we'll do a weekend in Toronto or like, we'll do a night out a day in Toronto. And then it's just everything about weddings, I feel like has just gotten progressively more extravagant. And that's just not us. Like if. People enjoy that like more power to you and I've had great times on Bachelorettes But for me, I just wanted something just like super low key chill and so did you so like your friend Ryan was kind enough to have a Cottage weekend at his family cottage, which was amazing.
And it was just something we always do we go there up there every summer And it was just like regular cottage time just with a few extra people, a few of your friends. And then for me I personally like, don't enjoy going out at night anymore. Like I like being in bed by a certain time. So like for my bachelorette, I did a drag brunch and we went to a brunch.
[00:30:00] We got all dressed up. My theme was like death to my single life. So everyone. Kinda
Len: grim, but.
Angie: But it was cute, because it was like, I told everyone to dress in their best, like, goth glam and then we went to, like, a sauna, cold plunge thing, and we were home by six. It was amazing. I loved it.
So, yeah, anyone who's, like, getting married, or, thinking about it, or just, stressing about it, I would say you don't have to do it. The way everybody else is doing it.
If you don't see value in something, just don't do it. And then put that value in something else.
Len: The thing that I will also say to anyone planning a wedding or in that part of their life is really the only thing that's important in the wedding process is some sort of you know, ceremony or ring exchange, or, you know formal display or a formal ceremony in your way to obviously confirm the wedding.
And then really nothing [00:31:00] else is, is like, You know hyper important because the last four weddings we went to that were really amazing were like we had our destination wedding one of your friends. That was like the best thing I've ever experienced in my life. I've never experienced anything like that was my first destination wedding.
And I thought I could see myself doing this, you know then I had one of my good friends do it like two years later, three years later because of, you know, And, you know, they did it as, as a lunch you know, a very simple, but also really thoughtful experience. And I thought, wow, I could see myself doing this too.
Like, I liked how, you know, It wasn't a late night. It was like, we still had tons of time to spend time with everyone that, you know, was there. Then there was one we did we went to, that was a combination of that. It was like the closest thing to our wedding, which was here in Durham at Lake Ridge.
Hmm. And I thought that was really well done. Like, so like we saw multiple different types of weddings and ways of doing it [00:32:00] that we were like, okay, like what's common between all of them. And really there was like one or two things common, but there was such dramatic differences in all the weddings, you know?
So to me, it was like, besides the ceremony, nothing else is mandatory. You know, like nothing is really. You have to do it or you, you, you should do it. You know, a lot of their shoulds are just like areas of your life that you haven't really thought of what's actually important to you. Because if you don't have an opinion or preference for it, but someone else is telling you you should do this, then that right there is an opportunity to be like, okay, I need some time to think about this.
And why I don't have an opinion, but someone else has an opinion on it. And like, what does it really mean when I want to do something?
Angie: Yeah.
Len: So that gap is like something there. That's a good area for you to display because maybe that's something that could be a great opportunity for you to do something of your own.
Angie: Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, like I remember a week before [00:33:00] our wedding, like we went to a family party and there were people being like, Oh, are you gonna like do this? , are you gonna? So like one thing for our Catholic ceremony. I didn't go and, like, buy a big ass wedding dress,
like,
Angie: I just, when I found out that we were doing the Catholic ceremony and it was confirmed, I, like, Was literally in the process of buying a bridesmaid dress for another wedding that I was a part of.
So while I was placing that order, I just went to the clearance section, filtered it to white and just picked one that I liked. It was like 30 bucks. So the week before our wedding, my one of like a family friend or whatever, they were like. Oh, so like, did you get a wedding dress? I'm like like I didn't get a wedding dress, but I got like a dress that is white, simple.
And she was like, Oh, like you didn't get a wedding dress. Like, what do you mean? People were just like, what do you mean? And like, I'm the type of person [00:34:00] I'm like very confident in my taste and what I like and what I don't like. I'm not really an indecisive person,
but when people were saying like, Oh, you're not doing this. Why? Oh, you're not doing that. Why? Like, and I would be like, it's just not something I care about. And I remember like one of my one of our other friends, they were like, they got married the year before and they were like, Okay. One thing we noticed the week before our wedding is everyone will have an opinion about what you should and shouldn't do
Len: So i'm like, yeah great timing everyone And
Angie: he was like just make sure you're doing like just don't listen to it Like just do what you guys want to do and i'm like, oh, yeah, I will like i'm like totally unfazed by it but it was just Funny to see.
And then after the fact, those same people would be like, Oh my God, your choices were so good. Like this was so beautiful. That was so beautiful. And I'm like, yeah, I know. Cause I'm confident in what I like and what I don't like.
Len: Also, you're saying the decision that I made that for me was a great choice.
Thank you everyone. Yeah.
Side note, have you ever [00:35:00] had coconut water with black coffee?
Angie: Ew.
Len: I know. I had the same thought. And I was like, are you kidding me? I saw one of my good friends do that. And she calls it cocoa coffee. And apparently it's served at cafes and stuff now. But like iced coffee, not like hot coffee.
Iced coffee and like that. And then you put it together. So it's like a hydrating coffee. Definitely try it. If you're someone that wants to like work on their hydration. It's good because then you can get your coffee and be hydrated anyways you have another thought
Angie: did you have another thought
Len: I did But I need you to speak first.
Angie: Why
Len: because I need you to remember what I was gonna say,
Angie: okay Another side thing was that I stopped drinking like over a year ago. I Just like made the decision. I was like, you know what? I don't really feel great after drinking ever. And I, it's not like I like go really hard with the drinking or anything.
It's just I've noticed my anxiety is worse [00:36:00] when I drink or after the fact when I drink and I'm usually sluggish, like I don't feel my best afterwards. Like that's just me personally. So I just made this and I feel like I've been teetering on this decision for a long time. Like I've like cut back a lot since the last four or five years, I would say, and I've been like teetering on, like, should I stop?
Should I not? And then I just made the decision, you know what, I'm just going to stop and see what happens. And I think, I don't, I don't think I made a definite decision on whether I was going to fully stop or like, maybe it was just for the wedding, but like. I think after a certain point, I was like, yeah, I'm, I'm probably like, never going to drink again.
And I was a sober bride and it was just really great to go to all of our events and just wake up the next morning and feel great. Like, obviously I was tired because we would go to bed late, but that was pretty much it. Like I felt really good throughout our entire wedding process. But it was amazing [00:37:00] to see like how many people were like, Oh, you're not drinking.
Like, And this is just a general statement about, when people don't drink, and I think I've brought it up before in previous episodes, but, like, it's, like, wild to see, how many people have opinions on the fact that I don't drink anymore. Or, like, they're, like, surprised. Or it's, like, oh, yeah, like, just have a little bit.
And it's, like, no, that's, like, kind of defeats the purpose. And then I'm, thinking in, a world where, like, we're really it circles around, food and, Alcohol? It's weird, it's interesting to see how people react when you're like doing something outside of that norm. Even you, like you were questioning me after a while.
Len: I mean, no, I just, I was just just I mean, there it is, right? Like you should do something and then you didn't really have an opinion, but then you had an opinion. Was just more of like, you know, like you only get, as far as I'm concerned, only one wedding in your life. [00:38:00] And like the decision you make for those moments, you're probably going to have to like live with for the rest of your life.
So not that I say, you know, you would regret not drinking, but just like, you know, I, I think what my opinion is right now is like, I am not like a, You know, I'm not like a strong, let's get loaded, you know after my like 19s and 20s where I was like, Hey, let's go party up all the time. But I feel like we've associated having a good time with being out of our own, like clear minds.
Like
Len: we have to be under the influence and stuff. And like, And I really understood when people were like, Oh, you're not going to drink? I'm like, yeah, so me not drinking is going to take away from your buzzed and like your, you know, drunken state. Then that doesn't, then why are you drinking? It doesn't make any sense.
Then it makes, then it seems to me that the alcohol is not working for you.
Yeah.
Len: You know, whereas like [00:39:00] there, there is a bit of responsibility to that. Like. If you're someone that like goes out and socializes and drinks, and then you're a fun person, that says a lot about like, maybe you need to do some work on yourself because if you're not a fun person, unless you drink, then maybe you're not in the right space for you because like naturally you should have fun no matter whether you're drinking or not.
You know, yeah, it took me a while to figure that out. But then like, Now I'm around the, the people that match where my, my like life is at, you know, like I'm around people that like don't necessarily force you to do anything you don't want to do and they're accepting of it. And if we want to drink we drink like I call it like there's only one person in my life I can really think about that does this really well and that's like my friend Ryan.
And, like, whenever we go to cottages. He's always like yeah let's have a beer and just like. Enjoy it. Like you actually get to sip it, drink it, you're not pounding drinks back, you know, and I like that kind of approach to like life where it's like [00:40:00] we're hanging out, friends, so Friday night or whatever it's weekend, we'll have a drink, you know, but to enjoy different kind of like alcohols and stuff.
And I'm like, yeah, see, this way I get to have it in a moderate, like, smart way, which is what it should be had in anyways, right? I don't have a necessarily an all or nothing mindset when it comes to it. I feel like the answer is always somewhere in the middle. And so for the wedding, I did that. You know, and this is not putting anyone down that, you know, chose to drink their faces off for the wedding.
Like personally, I like, remembering that night and I don't want to look back being like, Yeah, I don't remember it or you know, like I embarrass my own self looking back at stuff Like that's not something that's important to me. What is important to me is like partaking and You know just having a healthy Balance and relationship with not only alcohol with everything, you know, so yeah, like it blows my mind and people are like I can't believe I'm not drinking.
I'm like, well, if I'm equally as fun, well, you
[00:41:00] know,
Len: and so I started testing it out, like earlier when I started doing this, I would just get like a glass with a diet Coke and people are like, what are you drinking? I'm like, Oh, rum and Coke. And people were like, wouldn't bat an eye. They were like, Oh, cool.
Like, yeah, whatever. You know? So then eventually I was like, no, why am I hiding it? I'm just like, no, I'm not drinking, but you know, I can still help the vibe and whatnot.
Know? So I think like. Just let people do their own thing. Like it's 2024. Why do we need to still all do the same thing?
Cause clearly. You know, we're not in the right space. If you have people who judge your decisions.
Angie: Yeah,
Len: that's what it is.
Angie: I think going back to what your point of if you're be in the certain spaces and you feel like you need alcohol to like be fun or like to elevate yourself. I feel like maybe I was like that before, like, because I am naturally more introverted.
So when I would, like, go out in the past or, like, whatever, it would just definitely take the edge off and make me more, fun, more silly. I was a lot more, not [00:42:00] free, but, less inhibited, I guess, and I guess that's the point of alcohol at the end of the day. But but it also goes back to, like, yeah, I want to, like, be myself.
remember my nights and I found like with age the more I would drink, more often I would drink, I would miss there would be gaps in
The
Angie: points where I would drink alcohol like I would be like, Oh, I don't remember that or like, yeah, I would feel embarrassed about like certain things I said or did or any of my friends who I used to party with, like back in the day would be like, Oh, yeah, like Angie did like this and this and this like I have so many embarrassing stories.
Which are, for the most part, light hearted, but like, now I'm just in a place where I'm just like, oh, I don't, I don't, like, I just want to be me and like, have that be enough. And yeah, it was it was just really interesting to see how people reacted to that. Cause at any wedding that I go to, that's like, oh, we have to take a shot with the bride and the groom.
And then like, imagine every single person wants to take a shot with [00:43:00] you and then you're like wasted at your own wedding and you can't like remember or enjoy it. , I just wanted to be present. Fully present a hundred percent. And just energetically, I just feel like I'm just a person that alcohol just doesn't agree with.
And that's okay. And I don't judge anybody for drinking. I never like tell people, Oh my God, you're drinking like, Oh, you're drinking a little too much. Or like, you're doing this too much. Like, I never have opinions like that, though. It was just like interesting for people to like have opinions about me doing the opposite.
Len: Yeah. Like that was the same thing. Like I imagine you'd you know, if they use the example of food instead of alcohol, like if someone says I'm allergic to peanut butter. Oh, I'm allergic to shrimp. And then you had a restaurant with them and they're like, what? You're not going to order the, you know, the, the shrimp linguine.
Like, no, literally I'm like, Oh, cool. Got it. Cool. Like it doesn't make me feel good. It makes me feel like crap. You know, I'm not gonna order the shrimp. Oh, it makes sense. You know, like whatever. Or someone's like, Hey, I'm vegetarian or hey, [00:44:00] whatever, I, you know, cool, not going to do that, you know, and they they kind of get it.
So they leave you alone. And many say, you don't like, I'm not drinking, doesn't make me feel good. It's like, what? Like, come over here so I can force change your mind. Or like, you're crazy. Like you were drinking like a few weeks ago, I'm like, yeah, I was drinking a few weeks ago and I realized that didn't make me feel good.
So as of whatever day, I'm not going to drink anymore. People always want to change everything. I mean, so it didn't really. It makes sense to me, but you know, if you want to drink, drink. If you don't want to drink, it is what it is, like, yeah.
Angie: And this is not, like, to say, like, everybody had an opinion about it, but, like, a few people did, like, have a few, like, words for me, and I was just, like, okay, like, me drinking doesn't affect yours, but cool but now
Len: You know what people didn't know, though, that night?
Like, not to be, like, couldn't find a way home or anything like that. Oh, yeah. Imagine Angie drank. And I drank and really the way the night was coordinated as like, we ended up driving ourselves home. [00:45:00] Like we didn't stay there or anything like that. Like we knew about it going in, like it wasn't a shock, but I'm like, you didn't even ask her like how we're getting home, right?
Like we could have found someone for sure. I could have like Ubered it and whatever, but just like people don't realize there's so much to the story other than like in that moment saying yes or no to drinking.
Angie: Yeah. Yep. So haven't had a drink in over a year. And I'm pretty proud of myself for that.
Are you proud of me? Not that I had like a drinking problem per se, but yeah.
Len: Actually, I'm not like, I'm not like proud for you, you know, like I'm, I'm just like happy you're just listening to yourself. Like I don't, I don't care if someone tells me they drank or they didn't drink. I'm like, that's not really the important part.
The important part is like, Hey, you made a decision and you stuck with it or like you're honoring and listening to yourself. That's what I'm proud of I'm, yeah, that's
Angie: what I mean. I
Len: don't care if someone
Angie: It's not really about the drinking. Yeah, I don't it's more about me because [00:46:00] like I have a very like people pleasing
Len: Oh, yeah,
Angie: like come from a very people pleasing background.
So slowly I've been changing that so like in the past I might have been like Okay. Yeah, I'll have one drink or like, okay Yeah, I'll take a few shots But like this like me not drinking is really me setting a boundary for myself of like this is something I'm not willing to do for myself And just like sticking to that and not trying to like appease the people around me by not by breaking that like it's more about the boundary and like choosing myself and choosing my decision for myself.
Okay.
Angie: Any last thoughts?
Len: One of the one of the there's many favorite parts, but I'm just thinking back now, the other favorite part of the the Wedding experience was one of the things your uncle said during his speech about like being one team, like he was saying how he was married for, you know, well over like 30 years.
[00:47:00] And. That brings up another point about listening to other people's opinions, but give me a second. But just like it was nice that he was able to give us some advice on what works and what doesn't work, right? People give you advice on what works and what doesn't work or like what they think you should do or not do.
And that's fine and great, but what I like is when people give advice, you can actually use, he was saying that whenever he was like you know, like having a difference of opinion or like one thing he did to keep a strong relationship was always saying to himself that like my wife and myself were on one team, right?
Like whether we're winning or losing, we're still on that team, whether we're like, We're up by a lot of points or we're down by a lot of points or whatever, you know, like just team analogies, like we're one team and I. I definitely feel like that is very fitting because taking that, I'm currently having football in the background and I'm someone that appreciate sports.
Like I was never in any team sports [00:48:00] and I feel like that's the one part of my life that like, I have always wanted. And so I always respect whenever it comes to teams and sports and seeing great things happen. And I was like, I don't need to watch this on TV or like read about it on the internet. Like I have a team I can work on at home, you know, and like, We can, we can a hundred percent grow better as a team.
Because that's what marriage is all about. You know I'm not speaking like I've been here obviously, but this, the preaching things like you're in a team sport with at least one other person you know helps plan the next part of our life. But I didn't want to say about the marriage thing.
The last point I had was, it's also pretty crazy how many people have like not given us, you know, so much wedding advice as opposed to like marriage advice.
Angie: What do you mean?
Len: I found like a lot of people are giving us advice about how to like
Angie: plan the wedding
Len: and all that stuff. And like they place a lot of it, it is an important day, but I'm like, [00:49:00] We didn't really get any great marriage advice.
Everyone's like, you know, you know what actually the, the, the popular opinion is your
Angie: life's over.
Len: Yeah. Like your life's over. Like you signed up, like you're in jail. Like, just like all these, like, I know they're sarcastic and a joke, but like, I'm like, that's like, no one has really said like, It's the greatest chapter of your life.
Angie: Yeah.
Len: I've heard a
Angie: few people say that.
Len: I know, but it's not the dominating thought, which is kind of scary, because I'm like, I know why these jokes now come, you know, come up whenever we talk about marriage, and like, even like, at other places, they're like, some of my co workers are like, oh, won't be able to go out now anymore, and I'm like, why the hell not?
Like, I'm going to go out if I want to go out. I ain't going to change. You know, like, I don't think you know who my wife is. But But it's kind of like silly to me. So that's why like as part of this journey, like I always feel like my like Calling is to be authentic about, you know, my fitness journey, real about what it's like to actually be, you know, a male in today's [00:50:00] society.
But like my third new development is like, people just seem to like not have loyalty or how to like keep a relationship strong or like to believe that like when you're marrying someone, like it's for life, like there's no out, like, like I feel like that's like gone out of style and like everything else is don't know.
Desired now, which is, I'm like, that's kind of messed up, you know, like. What do you mean
Angie: desired?
Len: Like, you know, like it's, it's normal now to divorce. It's normal now to like, cheat on your partner or it's like, be single forever and like not give a strong commitment to anyone else for the rest of your life.
If that's what you actually want to do, that's different. But if you're following a norm that's like presented in society, that's like, A little bit strange to me. Whereas, you know, I think at some point in your life, you do need to commit to something stable in one area of your life. In this case, it's marriage.
And then like, if you're going to do that, like it shouldn't suck. You know, like if you told someone like, [00:51:00] you know, I'm buying this house and I'm gonna be a homeowner, no one's gonna be like, Oh, homeowner sucks. Or, you know, or it's like, yeah, I'm going to start a new career and I'm going to become a, you know, a firefighter, you know, rarely you're going to get like, Oh, being a firefighter sucks.
Like, why are you doing it? You know, or being a doctor. Oh, like, oh, it's so stressful. It's so long. And I'm like, no matter what you say, people are always going to have that sort of like talk you out of mindset or comment.
Yeah.
Len: And I've found it really strange that for marriage, those jokes in my, in my like sphere right now have come up more often than people saying.
Oh, congratulations. Give me the best year, best chapter of your life. You know, welcome to the other side. Like I had one person, I had two people maybe say that to me and I was like, I'm going to listen to you two more often because like, I want my wedding to be more like your opinion. Or more like you, Not listen to people telling jokes about their marriage because I'm like I definitely don't want to be like that I don't want to be in your position giving someone else [00:52:00] advice when they're telling me they're getting married Yeah, I don't want to joke around being like, oh, it's the worst thing ever I want to be like, okay, like that sounds amazing.
What do you like about it? I'll tell you my opinion on it. This is why it works There's gonna be some challenges but then at the day it's like I'm gonna borrow your uncle's Slogan of like we're one team,
you know,
Len: so just make sure you want to be on that team You're not going to get traded. You're not going to get a chance to really get out, like, only be on that team if you want to be on that team.
And then just know that it doesn't get any easier. It's, it's challenging, but collaborative. And I think that's what you need to like, Understand that's what marriage is all about. So in summarizing everything I just said, it's like, we got so much opinions on what we should do for our wedding and wedding day, the type of feedback we got and like advice to marriage was very far and few between in terms of what was actually useful for us to.
Work with and, and use, you know, like, like even [00:53:00] our parents, like, didn't necessarily say anything like directly about marriage, but they always do a good job of explaining, just by like being themselves, Angie and talk about it, like her parents all the time. And we're like, this is what we're going to do.
This is what we're not going to do. And myself talk about my parents and we're like, this is what we're going to do. This is we're not going to do. And then like, that's what I think the, the relationship is from wedding to your marriage. The wedding day is kind of like listening to all these opinions and then finally making your own and have your dream day.
And then your marriage, it's kind of like seeing all the people in your life, but like successful and, you know, maybe some troublesome relationships. And you're like, this is what we're going to do. And this is what we're not going to do. You know? And we're like, I don't want to end up like these individuals.
I would end up like more than these individuals. And then that's where we're at right now. It's like. We definitely don't have it all figured out, but I feel like if we keep reminding ourselves what we want to be, and keep saying one team, then, you know, I feel like we have a pretty good chance.
Angie: And, like, to take it back to that point that you said, like, one of your co workers was like, oh, you're not [00:54:00] going to be able to go out anymore.
I think that speaks to a larger thing of, like, when people get married, they maybe tend to lose themselves. And it's, it becomes more about like,
like just you two and like being about each other and like being about your lives. And of course, like when kids are unincorporated into that, like, it's very hard to step out of that little bubble. But I think what we've learned like throughout our whole relationship is that yeah, we have our stuff together, but we also have our own dreams and ambitions and stuff outside of each other.
And we have our own passions and stuff outside of each other. So it's not like I'm looking at you going like, Oh, yeah, you're like on this fitness journey. And like, I'm just sitting at home, like, what do I have? Like, I have my own stuff. And then you have your own stuff that you care about. Think we do a good job of like marrying those things together as well.
Len: Saw what you did there. Saw what you did there maybe [00:55:00] we should make this like a series, maybe we should be like, things we've learned in our married life. Series because I feel like I don't I never say that I haven't I'd like what I want to talk about But then I don't know what I'm just here things
Angie: It's the honey lemon.
Len: I don't think I've been drinking coffee and coconut water.
Angie: Okay. Well, I think that's a good place to wrap up Thank you Sugar for you can
Len: find me on instagram at Lendall.
Angie: I spell that
Len: L E N D A L L
Angie: Yeah, lots of new content coming your way. I am revving up the podcast again, finally, and I was really missing it.
And we both have a lot of, exciting personal and professional things. Coming up that we will discuss and talk about and how is that affecting our lives? But this episode was really just for us to reflect to come back and just say hi and welcome everybody [00:56:00] back. And yeah, this is this podcast is really more of like my virtual diary of my life.
and just like reflections on what's happening at present time. So I'm excited a year from now to listen to this episode again and see how far we've come from there, you know, and then continue doing this like a year in review type thing. So anyways if you like this episode, make sure to subscribe on Apple podcast, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts leave a star rating that really helps the podcast.
If you want more content, you can follow at thehoneylemonpod on Instagram. You can follow my personal account at AngieTheva, that's A N G I E T H E V as in Victor, A. And yeah! We will see you next time, so be well, be loved, see you later!